I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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