I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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