I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
