You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
