I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
