Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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