it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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