She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize