my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
