My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
