No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
