So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
