you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
