You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
