i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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