oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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