Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Boobs speak an international language.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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