I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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