On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
