She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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