So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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