My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
