Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
