i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
