Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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