So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
