omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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