Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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