Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
