you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You made out with two different species that night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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