You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
