you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize