I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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