you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
