woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
