I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize