Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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