If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize