you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
