just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
