I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You were trust falling into bushes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
