did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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