As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize