FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
