I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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