I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
