in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
