I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
