who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
