I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
