scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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