we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
