i can't believe i had my finger in that
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
