So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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