What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
