you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
