The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
