dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
