I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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