i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
