??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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