do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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