I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
