i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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