i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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