Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
