Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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