I wanna passion pit in your ass
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
