im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize