Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
