Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize