my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
